一、姐从来不抄袭，但没说不复制。
Sister never copied, but did not say not copy.
二、种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！
It's better to plant cactus instead of letting people lie down.
三、哪里跌倒，哪里爬起。老是在那里跌倒，我怀疑那里有个坑！
Where to fall, where to climb. I always fall there. I suspect there's a pit there!
四、我心眼儿有些小，但是不缺；我脾气很好，但不是没有！
I have a small mind, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not none!
五、瞧你这长相，不用化妆就能去演恐怖片了。
Look at your appearance. You can make horror movies without makeup.
六、你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气是在受不了啊。
You'd better let me kneel on the rubbing board. The kneeling heating can't stand it.
七、老子不打你，你就不知道我文武双全。
If Lao Zi does not hit you, you will not know that I am both civil and military.
八、天上不会掉馅饼，因为我们不相信。
There will be no pie in the sky, because we don't believe it.
九、人和猪的区别就是：猪一直是猪，而人有时却不是人！
The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, but sometimes people are not human beings.
一零、傻与不傻，要看你会不会装傻。
Whether you are silly or not depends on whether you act silly or not.
一一、人又不聪明，还学人家秃顶！
People are not smart, they are bald!
一二、人家减肥减腰减屁股，为什么你非要从脑细胞开始。
Why do you have to start with brain cells when people lose weight, waist and buttocks?
一三、再丑的人也能结婚、再美的人也有单身。
The ugliest man can marry and the most beautiful man can be single.
一四、别打开礼物的缎带，最初充满期待，最后都腐败。
Don't open the ribbons of gifts. They are full of expectations at first and corrupt at last.
一五、路漫漫其修远兮，不如我们去打的。
It's a long way to go, so it's better for us to take a taxi.
一六、早上刚一起床，就有一股睡午觉的冲动。
As soon as I get up in the morning, I have an impulse to take a nap.
一七、没用的东西，再便宜也不买；不爱的人，再寂寞也不依赖。
Useless things, no cheaper to buy; people who do not love, no longer lonely and dependent.
一八、拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍屁股走人。
Pat your head, pat your chest, pat your butt and walk away.
一九、如果这都不算爱，那我宁愿卖白菜。
If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.
二零、人家有的是背景，而我有的只是背影。
People have backgrounds, and I have only backgrounds.
二一、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。
Night gives me a pair of black eyes, but I use it to turn my eyes white.
二二、你太矮了！借你望远镜吧，再看清楚点，我不帅吗？
You are too short! Lend your telescope and see clearly. Am I not handsome?
二三、您复杂的五官，掩饰不了您朴素的智商。
Your complex features can't hide your simple IQ.
二四、我要做个下载软件，名字叫掩耳。因为迅雷不及掩耳。
I'm going to make a download software, its name is Hidden Ear. Because the thunder is too fast to cover up.
二五、将薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。
Think about the salary ratio. Forget it. I don't want to live.
二六、每次临时抱佛脚的时候，佛总是给我一脚。
Every time I hold Buddha's feet temporarily, Buddha always gives me a foot.
二七、男人的实力，就是你兜里的人民币。
The strength of a man is the RMB in your pocket.
二八、泼出去的水，老子连盆子都不要了。
Lao Tzu didn't even need the pot when the water spilled out.
二九、我说这位壮士，你在我伤口上撒完盐，就别再尝尝咸淡了吧。
I said to this warrior, if you spill salt on my wound, don't taste salty again.
三零、把你家的地址说出来，我要把它改成公共厕所。
Give me your address and I'll change it into a public toilet.
三一、吃什么鱿鱼丝、墨鱼丝的，给我上点美人鱼丝。
What squid and cuttlefish to eat? Give me some Mermaid shredded.
三二、千万别混日子，当心日子把你给混了。
Don't muddle through your life. Be careful that you are muddled by it.
三三、竟然有人我涂了蓝眼影，那简直是在侮辱我得黑眼圈！
I even painted blue eye shadow, which is insulting me to get dark circles.
三四、我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风。
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